When someone you care about comes out as LGBTQ+, it can be a big moment for them—and for you. It’s an act of trust, and how you respond can shape your relationship moving forward. I’ve had conversations with friends who’ve struggled with how to offer the right kind of support, and I’ve also seen the difference it makes when loved ones show up in the right way.
The truth is, being supportive isn’t about having all the right words or knowing everything about LGBTQ+ issues. It’s about being there, listening, and making sure your loved one feels valued and respected.
In this article, I’ll share ways friends and family can genuinely support LGBTQ+ loved ones, whether they’ve just come out or have been open about their identity for years.
Listen Without Judgment
One of the simplest yet most powerful ways to support an LGBTQ+ loved one is to listen. When someone comes out, they may have a lot on their mind—fears, hopes, and experiences they haven’t shared before. If they open up to you, take it as an opportunity to understand them better.
In my experience, people often feel pressured to say the “perfect” thing in response. But in reality, a simple “Thank you for sharing this with me” or “I’m here for you” can mean the world. Let them take the lead in the conversation.
What to avoid:
- Jumping to questions: Instead of immediately asking about their relationships or personal life, let them share what they’re comfortable with.
- Making it about you: Phrases like “I always knew!” or “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” can make them feel unheard.
- Dismissing their feelings: Even if you think their concerns aren’t a big deal, take them seriously.
Educate Yourself
If you don’t fully understand what it means to be LGBTQ+, that’s okay—what matters is your willingness to learn. Instead of expecting your loved one to teach you everything, take the initiative to educate yourself.
There are plenty of resources available, from books and documentaries to LGBTQ+ advocacy websites. Learning about topics like gender identity, pronouns, and discrimination can help you be a more informed and supportive ally.
Some great places to start:
- PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) – A fantastic resource for families navigating LGBTQ+ topics.
- The Trevor Project – Provides guidance on LGBTQ+ youth and mental health support.
- GLAAD – Offers media resources and information on LGBTQ+ representation.
Use the Right Pronouns and Names
For transgender and non-binary loved ones, using their correct name and pronouns is a sign of respect. It may take time to adjust if you’ve known them by a different name, but making the effort is crucial.
I remember a friend of mine coming out as non-binary and asking to use they/them pronouns. At first, I slipped up a few times out of habit, but I quickly realised how important it was to get it right. It showed them that I respected their identity and cared enough to make the effort.
If you make a mistake? Simply correct yourself and move on without making a big deal of it. Avoid saying things like “Ugh, this is so hard for me”—it shouldn’t be about your struggle, but about their comfort.
Support Them Publicly, Not Just Privately
It’s one thing to be accepting in private conversations, but true allyship means standing up for your LGBTQ+ loved one in all areas of life.
- Shut down homophobic or transphobic comments. If someone makes an offensive joke or remark, don’t stay silent. A simple, “Hey, that’s not okay” can send a strong message.
- Include their partner in family events. If your sibling, child, or friend is in a same-sex relationship, make them feel just as welcome as any heterosexual couple would be.
- Respect their comfort level. Not every LGBTQ+ person wants to be in the spotlight. Let them set the boundaries for how public they want to be.
Be There During the Hard Times
Coming out is not always easy. LGBTQ+ individuals often face discrimination, bullying, or family rejection. Mental health struggles like anxiety and depression are more common in the LGBTQ+ community because of these challenges.
If your loved one is going through a tough time, be there for them. Offer emotional support, check in regularly, and encourage them to seek professional help if needed.
In one instance, a friend confided in me about how they felt isolated after coming out. They didn’t expect me to have all the answers, but just knowing that I was available for a late-night chat or a weekend hangout helped them feel less alone.
Celebrate Their Identity
Being LGBTQ+ isn’t just about struggle—it’s also about pride, joy, and self-expression. Celebrate your loved one’s identity in meaningful ways:
- Attend a Pride event together. Even if it’s just to show your support, it can mean a lot.
- Give thoughtful gifts. A book by an LGBTQ+ author or a pride-themed item can be a great way to show you care.
- Encourage them to be themselves. Let them know you love and support them as they are, without conditions.
Don’t Assume, Just Ask
Not every LGBTQ+ person has the same experience. Some may be open and vocal about their identity, while others may prefer to keep it private. Instead of assuming, ask respectful questions:
- “How can I support you?”
- “Are you comfortable talking about this?”
- “Do you want me to correct others if they use the wrong pronouns?”
These small but important questions show that you’re thoughtful about their needs.
At the end of the day, being an ally isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about consistent, everyday support. The little things, like using the right name, listening without judgment, and standing up for them, can make all the difference.
If someone you love is LGBTQ+, they don’t need you to be perfect. They just need you to be there, to care, and to respect them for who they are. And from what I’ve seen, when family and friends show up in the right way, it creates stronger relationships built on trust and love.
So, if you’re wondering where to start, just start with kindness. The rest will follow.
About Author
